how Jesus saved my life

my testimony of coming to know and believe in God

I’m currently preparing to be confirmed at my local church and one of the homework assignments was to write out my testimony. I’m sharing it here below and I hope it’s encouraging to you:

—

The most vivid memories of my adolescence comprise scenes of my mom crying in the kitchen or bedroom. During my middle school and high school years, money was an ever-pressing concern for my family. As a result, one of the very first “life goals” that I realized was to become financially successful so that my family could live comfortably and finally stop worrying about our next bills.

In response to these early financial pressures, money began to distort the way I saw my education as well. Growing up, I tried my best in school because it was how I could live up to my parent’s expectations. However, as I grew older, I naturally became more aware of the necessity of money and how it drives and shapes the world around us. As I grew wiser to our hyper-materialistic reality, academic achievement became a means for achieving my life goal of monetary success. Doing well in school meant getting into a good college, which would eventually lead to a well-paying career.

With this mindset, throughout my high school years, college admissions became the most important goal in my life. I saw going to a good school as a means of financial mobility for my family. Going to a competitive high school only exacerbated this high-pressure, high-stakes mentality. I went into senior of high school with immense expectations about my college admissions process.

During this final year of high school, one of my close friends “A” plagiarized my college application materials. To make matters worse, A ended up being admitted to all five of my top choice programs… whereas I was flatly rejected. Unsurprisingly, this incident became a major source of resentment and bitterness. It was the first time in my life that I developed such an intensely acrid feeling of grievance towards another person — as well as God.

At this point of my adolescence, my family had long stopped going to church. I called myself Christian and knew the basic doctrines, but in reality, I was worshipping the golden idols of money and success. But even in my brokenness, I knew that I could not continue to live in my bitterness towards the world and the person who had wronged me. It was then that I decided to start to attend church for the first time in 8 years with the hope of learning forgiveness.

It was in the dusty sanctuary of a small Korean church that I experienced the radical love of God. At first, when I started to attend this church’s Sunday service, I was extremely weirded out by the other high school students who would sob in response to worship songs and subsequently lay their hands upon me to pray for me. But during my fourth or fifth Sunday service, one of the other students laid his hands on me during worship and started to pray for me. I remember that his hand felt extremely hot and my heart started to tremble. Was this God? Or just the sweaty palm of another teenage boy?

Throughout the following weeks, I began to experience and believe that I was loved by God. I cannot pinpoint an exact time or memory in which I experienced my “aha!” moment, but in that warm spring season of my senior year, I came to understand that God loved me. It was this love that covered over the innumerable hurts and pains that I had experienced in my life up until that moment. It was a love that was worth giving up my life for. As a response, I finally began to forgive A and decided to follow Jesus.

Originally, I looked to my education and career as my family’s salvation. What I encountered was the true salvation found in Jesus Christ’s sacrifice on the cross.

Since then, God has radically reshaped my life and has moved in so many powerful ways. He has freed me from my selfish, obsessive ambition by showing me that there is a greater purpose in following His calling for me. When I despaired in my depression, God held me as I found comfort in the cross—knowing that Jesus’s sacrifice paved a perfectly redemptive future for me in heaven. When my dad was stuck in the ER or when he struggled with a possible cancer diagnosis, God gave me peace by reminding me that our life does not end here on earth. Throughout my life, God has shown me that He has loved me from my past to my present, and will continue to love me for the rest of eternity.

Today, I am still a broken, woefully imperfect sinner. Too many times have I chosen sin over righteousness. On my own, I am still so inadequate and insufficient. Yet, I can boldly proclaim that Jesus Christ is my savior, and that my identity is no longer defined by my transgressions, but by the overwhelming love of God. I continue to be sanctified and changed by Him with every passing day. With utmost hope, I have set my eyes upon the glorious redemption that God has promised for His children.

—

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.

1 Peter 2:24