A prayer for my Uber driver

my testimony of joy overcoming shame in the back of a Toyota SUV

I currently reside in an area predominantly known for its semi-affluent Asian American population. Here, there is a culture of deep self consciousness around our lives. Unsurprisingly, many in this area seek a lifestyle decorated by success and prestige. This culture also influences people to always strive for the appearance of collectedness and self assuredness, even if they are only surface-level vanities. More importantly, this culture makes it hard for Christians to be unashamed for the gospel. We are infected by the fear of appearing foolish to the world at large— I am no exception.

Over the years, I have become entrenched in this culture and have developed my own vivid self consciousness. This has affected my Christian faith as well and, specifically, has manifested in a fear of evangelism. However, by the workings of the Holy Spirit, I am sharing this testimony to recount how my heart has begun to change. 

Recently, one of my friends brought me to a Christian conference organized by a grassroots missions organization. The primary event roster was an ensemble of live worship and sermons led by various leaders. In addition to this main schedule, there was a number of skits scattered throughout the day, throughout which small groups of young adults would put on a dramatic depiction of relevant Christian themes. 

Frankly speaking, I was initially put off by parts of these skits. To be completely honest, it felt a little childish and a bit dorky. With a heart of callous arrogance, I  (internally) judged these twenty-something-year-olds who danced earnestly to the bright backdrop of Christian music. But as I kept watching, this arrogance gradually transformed into marvel. I was astonished at the distinct lack of shame of these performers and how they danced with all their might as if the presence of God was before them. In the beginning, I saw what looked like childishness, but by the end I realized it was something else entirely: a childlike faith and love for God. By watching their earnest performance, I began to also realize and share in the very same joy that enabled them to worship and carry out their skits without shame. My self consciousness and cultural inertia seemed so small in front of this marvelously pure and precious joy.

The conference ended quite late that evening. With a stirred heart and a renewed sense of joy for God, I left the venue around 2AM (due to a lack of rides). The following day, I rose from bed with jubilation at how God had dissolved the two years of bitterness and jadedness that I had accumulated throughout the pandemic. On that Sunday morning, like every other week, I prepared to go to church and called an Uber. But for some reason, when I stepped into the back of this compact Toyota SUV, I felt a desire to pray for this female Uber driver. As mentioned prior, I find evangelism, particularly to strangers, terrifying. 

As I squirmed in the back of my Uber ride, scrolling through my phone, I struggled with the desire to ask my driver if she knew about Jesus. We started chatting and I learned more about this woman with graying hair and wrinkled eyes. Her name was P. (a pseudonym) and she was a grandmother. When I asked her about the paramedic badge on her dashboard, she told me that her sister was a paramedic but had passed away a few years ago. As I learned more about P., my heart became laden with a growing desire to ask her if I could pray for her. It was a desire so strong that it began to move my heart to anxiety. Despite this, my self consciousness felt like a heavy blanket which immobilized me and prevented me from sharing. It was a double KO of heart panic — my social anxiety was being compounded by a different type of anxiety caused by the weight of my conviction. As we kept on talking, she eventually mentioned a platitude that used the word “God”: something like, “by the grace of God, I wake up every day.” 

At this brief mention of God, I jumped at the opportunity to ask her if she was religious. She didn’t answer immediately but explained that she did pray but that she was estranged from the Catholic Church for many years. She was disgusted by the sins of the Catholic Church and how the priest who had baptized her granddaughter was later identified as a predator. At that point, I told her that my (Protestant) church was always open to her but she brushed it off. 

As we talked about her experiences and the brokenness of man, we came to the end of my ride. She had confided in me that a relative actually gave her a Bible very recently but she rejected them fiercely, explicitly telling them she did not want it.  Despite this, I could not help but summon up the courage ask her if I could pray for her; P. agreed. 

So I laid down my heart and began to pray aloud. In my prayer, I asked God that He would show us His grace despite the brokenness of His children. I prayed that we would know His holiness and righteousness even though we are so utterly sinful. As I closed my prayer with a shaky voice, I prayed for P. and her sister. Through my own teary eyes, I could see that P. had also been moved and started to hold back her tears as well. She thanked me afterwards. 

As I was getting ready to leave the car, much to my surprise, P. told me that she would visit my church next week and asked for the service time. In the beginning, I was so scared of asking this woman if I could simply pray for her. Yet, our brief prayer became such a powerful blessing for the both of us. I marveled once again at the providence of God. The day before, my God, full of love and grace, dissolved my own years-long jadedness and rebuked by hardened heart. And in this brief 15 minute Uber ride, God again began to work on the bitterness in another one of His children’s hearts.

Personally, I am little worried that an elderly, Hispanic woman would feel a little out of place in my church full of Asian millennials and college students. But I have complete trust that God will work where He intends no matter the place or person. I pray with this hope that P. will come to know the God I know and be nurtured in our community. 

God earnestly desires to use His children as He has done so throughout ages past. He gives us even small opportunities like this. For me, I cannot let my shame obscure the work that God will use me for. It was by re-discovering and marveling at joy — a simple, pure and absolute joy in Jesus — that God had set me free.

I do hope that P. comes to church next week. 

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This is the testimony which led me to sign up for my upcoming mission trip to Panama. The trip will be led by the organization which hosted the conference that I mention here.

Thank you for reading my first update!